The Parting words

The blue light from the Intex speakers of the PC struck the glass panes, and the moon shining on the other side appeared to be burning with it. The half empty Beer Can kept on the monitor was ready to fall any moment on the bed on which I lay watching the fan, the blue light and the burning moon, well not in that particular order. In fact in no order at all. Few days back before saying the parting words, it was said to me, that "Order is important to maintain Sanity". Strangely I don’t remember the parting words, I just remember the insanity and the order which could never be there. I am not drinking out of heart ache or out of loneliness or out of anything at all. The matter of fact is I am not drinking at all. Beer cans were brought here for boredom-Outcome-party some 10 days back, but the celebration couldn’t last long enough for each of the Cans and boredom has since then allowed the can to stay back. So the point is why should I put the Beer can, the blue light, the moon and the parting words altogether in my story? To create the effect? May be, yes. But my point is, that there is no effect at all, its just that I want some effect to be there. I do remember the parting words in the first place, although I was honest about the order and sanity thing. I am not trying too hard to lie. It comes easy. Sustaining the lies is difficult. You can’t live long with the glory of forged hurt.
Recognizing the absence of a "Real" sadness to bank upon is perhaps more hurting than any of my forgery. I have long assumed that a sadness which is sad enough is a sign of maturity, intensity, passion and other big-bang theory kind of things. I feel extremely sad when I see people crying their heart out after Half a can of Beer. Not for them, but for myself, because I feel so small in front of them as there is nothing in me which is waiting to come out so desperately that even a half can of beer would help it. Yes, that beer can belongs to my room partner and now you can understand why the party could not last long enough. But then here is the catch, I said "I feel extremely sad when I see people crying their heart out". So there is something waiting in there. Though I don’t cry out of it but that’s probably because I don’t drink enough.