The Son-of-a-Bitch charecters

One of my biggest kicks is to be a nice a guy who appears like a son of a bitch.I have always enjoyed watching such characters. The one played by amitabh sir in Bemisal, the one by shiny in Hazaron khwaishein aisi. Such characters have a enigma, a charm. The charm of nasty appearances camouflaging the virtues of a gentleman, of a proud lover. They make you curious; you want to know them better. But the problem is when I try and appear the son of a bitch; I end up making them believe that I am actually one. Nobody ever un-layers me to find the truth. I don’t know if it is my faulty skills of pretension or the lack of real virtues. I end up being a son of a bitch who pretends to have some virtues. Nevertheless, it’s a good role to play. If you choose to be this faking SOB, then your conscience gives you the license for doing nasty things. Deep beneath you know that this is not real. Besides very soon you will pull up a stunt to exhibit your jewel like heart, to create the paradox, the confusion in the mind of people you intend to charm. So here, nastiness is for the sake of goodness and goodness for the sake of nastiness. This is a perfect world. Your sweet little crimes, the hurts and torments you deliver are fake, though they hurt all the same but still you tell yourself "that’s not me". Your actions of nobility are compensatory for your own conscience besides creating the enigma for those who are charmed. And if they do get charmed, then you not only appear as a mystic person but also as some one with a heart that has been hurt ruthlessly by some unknown, un-talkable event which remains hidden in the secret corridors of your soul.